Do you get nervous thinking about interacting with people? Do you get the feeling that you can rock and rule the world while you’re talking to yourself in the mirror, but in real life, you end up shutting yourself out and don't know what to do? Are you confused about what you’re doing wrong to not be able to make friends in school? You’ve come to the right place because I was once in the same boat too! Here are a few suggestions and recommendations to help you make friends in your new school or university!
- from one new joiner to another possible new joiner/viewer :)
Where To Find New Friends
During-school/after-school clubs. Many schools have theatre clubs, art, photography, cooking, journalism, book, sports, music clubs and so many more, you name it. Joining group activities or clubs based on your favorite hobbies is another easy way to meet people with the same interests.
Online and social media. C’mon, it's 2022, you gotta put yourself out there on online platforms too. It's a fact that people find it easier and less awkward to start conversations online now. For instance, you can reply to someone’s stories, compliment them and initiate the start of a new friendship (at least I hope so). However, online interactions are no substitute for physical or real life interactions, so try not depending fully on it.
School and social events like the Model United Nations Conference. Personally, I’ve talked to and made tons of new friends from different schools, especially in the girls' washroom. Don't worry though, the washroom is obviously just one of the million places to make friends in an MUN (such as in committee sessions, award ceremonies, break time etc). Attending these events helps you meet new people and be part of groups that have a similar take to many things worldwide as you do.
Plans with your friends, inviting their mutuals too. Speaking through personal experience, setting up group plans, even if it's studying together with friends and inviting their friends, it gives you a wider base to socialise with new faces and have fun. That way, if you lose things to talk about with the other friend, you can always gang up and crack jokes about your experience of being friends with your both’s mutual friend.
A sports team. Of course, you don't have to unless you want to. But, sports have proven to be an icebreaker to conversations. Since sports is one area where you and your team play with one set of rules and all of your goals are the same (winning), bonding with your mates gets easier.
Through volunteering. Not only will you be putting your time into doing social services and supporting good causes, but you will also be able to build friendships with your fellow volunteers simultaneously.
After school dances, parties and concerts. Yes, regardless of whether these might be organized by your schools or not, after a few online searches it's very easy to find after school events to go to where you will find people your age as well. Students love to take a break from school/college work and go to bond and dance in parties and concerts. Now again, it's not a necessity for making friends unless you want to go and your parents allow.
Starting A Friendship
The Do’s
Firstly, let people know what your hobbies and interests are so they can understand your cup of tea!
Try small talk if conversations ever get awkward like "so how's school/college going/been for you?" Or "did you hear about that event…" Or “Are you trying out for that club/role…?”
Compliment someone regarding their hair, face, stationary, drawings, style or anything you find them being good at! We, humans, love to hear someone appreciate us, and complimenting also makes you come off as a sweet, polite and approachable person.
Initiate, serve and achieve! Didn't get it? Initiate conversations and be the first to approach them and take control of the situation. Now, don't wait for them to ask you but look for ways to serve them–tell them or ask them about something they might wanna answer– and then achieve what you want, which is making them your friend.
Ask for your friends’ contacts so you could stay in touch with them even outside school.
We all know, EVERYONE loves food, ANY food, we’re all begging for good tasty food every time. Okay maybe I'm exaggerating but if you can provide people with that mouth-watering, calorie-filled, junk food, you’re a guaranteed friend in their mind. Truth to be told, most of my friends in my school started talking to me because of it. Not to mention sharing is caring and food is the way to everyone's heart! Once they come to you for food, all you have to do is strike a conversation about anything in general.
Conversations about favorite books, favorite hobbies, favorite food, favorite singers and dancers can help you find not just a friend, but a best friend! Talking to someone who’s passionate about the same thing as you can get you a lifetime of conversations!
If you're a shy person or an introvert don't worry, people always appreciate a good listener so even if you're anxious to talk just keep your ears open and appear social and approachable.
Stop being afraid to ask for help in any form. Some people love having an opportunity to help, be it school work, advice, doing something the teacher told or information about some event, these all are really good conversation starters. Helping makes you look approachable and considerate too.
Staying active in classes will not only help you focus on YOUR academics but also be able to catch the classes’ attention, so they’ll know they can approach or rely on you for the class-related affairs.
Lastly, Even though it might sound cliché, just be yourself! Being who you are will let you know who likes you for your personality and who doesn't. But hey! Don't let the fact that some people don't like you ruin your mood! One of the BIGGEST problems in not being able to make friends is the fear of rejection and not being accepted. You have to try being tougher and not taking it personally when someone doesn't like your energy. In a world with so many people, you can't make all of them like you. Keep stepping out of your comfort zone and being social until you find the right person for you!
The Don'ts
Don't get too intrusive. Please respect a person's boundaries even if you don't like them. In today's world, where it's hard to read people, it's hard to tell when they’ll get uncomfortable. Read their body language and if they seem reluctant, just drop it and give them some space.
Avoid asking questions that you think will have only a yes or no response because that won't keep the conversation alive.
While conversing, don't make everything about yourself. People enjoy conversations a lot more when they feel as though they are being heard. Be not only a good and interesting listener but someone they can come to talk to.
“Give and take makes good friends.” People love telling stories and hate being interrupted. That's why putting an equal effort always works out. Wait for your turn, listen to what they're saying so when they’re done, you can start and they will listen.
Please, please don't get insecure while approaching friends, you have no reason to <3. Hold your head up high while walking in the corridors, make eye contact with people and smile like the confident person you are!
Don't shut yourself off completely. It's a new school and a new start! Forget what people used to think of you before and change what people will think of you now. It's not easy to get over past experiences and open yourself up, but you have to start somewhere. You can start by just greeting everyone or saying a ‘hi’; no conversations, no introductions, only baby steps! Eventually you'll find yourself talking more each day!
Does socializing need to drain your energy? Socializing doesn't come naturally to anyone but still differs from person to person on how much time you give to cultivate your skills. However, if you feel like talking or being friends with some person is draining your energy, making you question your personality and you don't feel like talking with them, then these are a few signs to help you know for sure when to drop the friendship before it takes a toll on you.
If they constantly look down at you and make you question your worth or make you feel inferior; you can address your feelings to them, which I know can get hard but clearing the air helps assure yourself that you are not at fault, or you can ignore them.
I've also come across many people that do not initiate conversations but when I'm the first to approach them, they give the same efforts as me during conversing. Should that make you think that they dislike you? No, honestly some of these people might just be shy to approach and so, you have to put an extra effort for them. This is, albeit, very different from when you put way more than an extra effort to start a conversation with someone else who doesn't even bother being polite while responding. That is your sign to stop wasting your time and effort and ignore them.
If they always come to you only for asking for things like food, notes, money or any help, but don't talk to/text you or give anything back, that's when you know that you have to stop being their friend. This person will only look towards you in their time of need, give you no significance and ghost you after getting what they want.
In the end, you cannot force everyone to be friends with you. You need to give people time to adjust to being around you! Nevertheless, if that person doesn’t like your energy or being around you, it’s not your fault at all, don't you lose your confidence over the other person's opinions<3. Let your thoughts go because why focus on something you cannot control? If you vibe, you vibe and if you don't, you just don't. It's best to either avoid that person or just confront them about it if they have a problem with you.
Improving your social skills is like learning how to ride a cycle. Just watching videos to learn how to ride a cycle won't actually make you understand how to shift the bike correctly, or change gears according to your comfort or even be able to cycle it without fear. The best way to learn is to just jump on and start pedaling; sure you’ll fall over a couple times and get hurt in the process too, but eventually you’ll get it right and you’ll figure out how to balance properly. This is what happens when you go out and try talking to more people; sure there’ll be times it might get awkward or times when not everyone might like your energy but you won't know unless you try! So, go! Talk to that person you’ve been hesitant to start talking to right now! Go, ask them for help, ask them for hanging out, ask them about how they’ve been, anything! Trust me you’ll regret missing out on the chance later.
( Nirmiti Jhunjhunwala. )
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